Over 30 years ago, if someone had told me that I would attend a Nepali Hindu wedding in a palace among about 200 Nepali guests and wear a sari, I wouldn’t have believed it. But it happened. Just last week, Richard and I boarded a flight to New Jersey, where our lifelong Nepali friends now live. These are my recollections.
“Aren’t we going directly to the hotel?” I asked Prem and his son Sameep after they had warmly greeted us at Newark International Airport, placing silk garlands around our necks and giving us bunches of flowers.
“No,” came the reply. “Everyone is waiting for you at our house. It’s just a 40-minute drive from here.” They bustled us into their car, chatting and laughing nonstop. It had been over five years since we had seen Sameep, a handsome 22-year-old, forever smiling, attentive, and friendly. Prem and his wife Komal had visited us in the UK the previous year. It was their beautiful daughter, Somita, who was about to marry another delectable young man, Soshu, and we were so excited to be part of it all.
When we arrived at their house, feeling a bit spaced out from the early start and long flight, we had no idea what to expect. The door swung open, and professional photographers were there, capturing our every move. Komal flung her arms around me, and Richard received the same greeting. There was so much going on, with everyone shouting “Namaste” from every corner of the room. Flowers, garlands, and colorful décor hung everywhere.
In the center of the room, on a small table, was an enormous cake iced with letters welcoming us to the US. We hadn’t even taken our coats off! We felt like royalty! Seated elegantly on the other side of the room was Somita, having her hands decorated with henna. This is known as a Mehendi Party, similar to a bridal shower. The intricate pattern on her hands was beautiful.
Later, Komal also had her hands decorated. Apparently, hidden in the design was the groom’s name. The smell of the henna is said to be an aphrodisiac. Suddenly, the dancing began, where the groom, Soshu, “fought off” other pretty Nepali girls to show his loyalty to his bride-to-be. Forget fatigue and jet lag; our adrenaline was pumping at top speed.
Over the course of the next few days, their house was a hive of activity. Prem had given his Vivāha Chhine (verbal consent for his daughter to marry). The celebrations, along with a host of Nepali friends and family members coming and going from every corner of the globe, made Richard and me feel so humbled to be invited to share in it all. Leading up to the main event were the Svayaṃvara and the Saipata, where gifts were given from the bride’s family to the groom’s parents and other family members. All these gifts, typically jewelry, clothing, and food, were intricately and lovingly wrapped in brightly colored paper, ribbons, and cellophane.
At the groom’s house, the Parbanga ceremony occurred the day before the wedding. This is where they make peace with the planets and life’s elements, such as fire and the sun. They can also go to the temple or palace (Jagge).
On the day of the wedding, Richard and I took a cab at 9 am to the Royal Albert Palace in Edison. There was one dressing room for women and another for men. I was dressed in a beautiful red sari, the wedding color. Somita was being professionally photographed, as were all the “bridesmaids.” It was a hub of activity.
By mid-morning, the reception hall was fully decorated with mainly red flowers, and the “stage” was adorned with fruit, flowers, and offerings around a Vivaah Homa (sacred fire). A priest (Purohit) arrived and recited mantras in Sanskrit. The bride was seated, awaiting the arrival (Janti) of the groom. Soshu arrived through the main door, under a brightly colored parasol, followed by his entire family. Somita had arrived under a canopy of flowers while her face was covered with a beautiful red veil. Prem then led Soshu to Somita for the Kanyadan (giving away of the bride). She then placed garlands around Soshu’s neck. There was some hand washing, which signifies the bride being given away.
“I am the Purush, and you are my Prakriti.” This is the Panigrahana, the acceptance of the bride. Naturally, the entire ceremony was conducted in Nepali, which was baffling for Richard and me, but we were so caught up in the activity and emotion that the language didn’t matter.
At some point, the ceremony paused, and everyone was invited to eat. At the far end of the hall, a wide variety of food was available buffet-style, with small plates. I’m unable to name every dish, but I can say it was all beautifully presented in brass and copper “cauldrons.” It was delicious and generously offered.
A few hours later, the priest resumed his mantras. Now it was time for the Suhag Chino, where red kumkum powder is placed on the bride’s head along the parting (the Sindoor). Thick loop beads attached to a golden ornament (tilhari) were placed around the groom’s neck, all signifying that they were officially married.
Next came the Agniparikrama, where the couple walked around the fire (a custodian for life) four times. Then followed the Saptapadi, or seven steps/vows: food, strength, prosperity, progeny, wisdom, health, and friendship.
Richard and I were invited to adorn both the bride and groom with colored rice, “stuck” to their foreheads, and to wash their feet. At some point (not sure of the order here), the groom also kissed the feet of the bride. The bride threw flower petals and rice to signify that he is the center of her universe. It was all so moving.
And no, it wasn’t time to go home yet! The Mahur Khuwaune, or sharing of sweets to promote intimacy, took place, where the bride and groom fed each other. The stealing of the groom’s shoe, which is held for ransom, began, and bargaining ensued to reclaim it. It was all done with such joy and laughter, with professional photographers capturing every moment.
Traditionally, the bride and groom are carried out piggyback by other family members. Sameep carried Somita, who is light as a feather, amid tears and well-wishes from everyone, especially Komal, the mother of the bride. Understandably, her only daughter was being whisked away, which was so heart-rending.
Yet more delicious food was served. We then realized that the first ‘course’ was just an appetizer! More huge brass “cauldrons” appeared from nowhere. There was a bar, and Richard and I were offered a stream of drinks, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. The hospitality, generosity, and warmth shown towards us were incredible, and we weren’t even the ones getting married!
Over the next 16 days, the extended families met (Samdhini Bhet) and exchanged gifts (Sora Din Ko Sait). Richard and I saw just some of the generous food gifts being home-prepared just before we left for the airport to fly home.
To all my wonderful Nepali friends who may read this, please forgive me if I got the sequence of events or descriptions/names wrong! May Somita and Soshu enjoy a long and happy life. It was more than a privilege to be invited, and the experience will stay with Richard and me forever.
All photo credits: Suraj Gurung
